What a week...

01/09/11
Everyone is sick. The pucking, diarrhea, coughing, flu bug. I brought the bug home two weeks ago and it stayed around making itself comfortable, eventually finding new hosts in Isaac, then Andrew, and now Paul. Thank the Lord that I am stronger and healthier then I was a week ago. There is nothing like cleaning vomit from bedding, carpets, and of course the bathroom. As Paul and Andrew are sick I also got the job of cleaning the horse pasture and feeding them.  As I was cleaning Isaac's room at 4:00 in the morning I couldn't help but think, "gee I hope that Trish (Isaac's mom), and Josh (Isaac's dad) are having a good night. It must be nice that they can both just abandon their kids to Paul and I because they have their "own" problems." How in the world did I end up being the one responsible for two of their children? Is this really God's will for the boys? Should I have said "to bad" when Robbi (the boy's step-father) called me ranting and raving, telling me to come and get the boys immediately as he wasn't going to put one more dime out on them. Should I have taken them to their fathers? Andrew has never known his real father. I have tried to develop contact between them but the father flakes out on even making a simple phone call, let alone making a visit. He certainly was given a big chance by CPS in California to get involved, but failed to do so. I offered to let him try once again to develop a relationship with his son, but again, he flaked out. Isaac's father, Josh, has had a recent disaster in his life. His new wife kicked Josh and his two boys, (my little guys-Joey & Kenny, for the last three years, plus another year while they were in my foster care), out of her home. Josh and Kelli, (the boy's step mom,) have a little guy between them, Eli. As Eli is Kelli's first child the signs of over protective mom are showing up loud and clear. Joey, our 8 year old, (I say "our" as I have helped to raise him since he was seven months old) has a few mental health issues that have been stabilized since he has been placed in his father's care. Occasionally he still acts out and he and Kelli do not get along for reasons told to me that include a harsh attitude towards Joey by Kelli. This is a terrible problem as Joey's mother Trish, was never able to bond with him, he was ripped away from me almost a year ago, and now the new woman in his life is rejecting him. I would be severely upset by all of this if I did not know how much Josh loves Joey and Joey loves his dad. Josh also has a wonderful sister who lives close by who also loves Joey and his brother Kenny very much. To further support Joey and Kenny in their new life in Arizona, they have their grandparents, and I have heard that Joey is very close to Aunt Mikki and Grandma Brown. Kenny has always been a strong child, very independent, very intelligent, and able to entertain himself for hours. It saddens me to know the hard times that these little guys have been through. They are all so young, and have been through so much. So here I type, thinking about the boys once again, wishing that Trish had hung on to her hard fought stability that she had obtained while living with Paul and I for three years. Instead, as so many women with her history do, she found another mentally unstable man to marry, and immediately became unstable, trying suicide twice, sending her children to whoever would take them, and now isolating herself from every single person, her children included, who have ever loved her. I wonder again how Josh and Trish's divorce could have been prevented, but know that their relationship caused deep wounds that were to raw to heal at that time. Now I am once again in the position of Auntie-Mom to Andrew and Isaac. No real legal custody though. Mom thru two letters at me, one, a power of attorney-good for six months, the other her agreement to give me complete guardianship. I'll have to go into court soon and try to establish a legal custody agreement. Not one of the parents is capable of being there for these two. Nor do they seem able to send us a penny in support, though they are all working. We get buy, but barely. Paul is on unemployment, therefore we are at less then half of his original income. Though I spend time occasionally thinking about how unfair this situation is for me, I think often of how sad it is for the boys. How are they going to relate to parents who abandoned them? How is this going to effect their lives? Thankfully, I have my faith in God, His Son Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. I am teaching the boys about my Christian faith, and hope that it will sustain them as well, through this very difficult but beautiful life.